I Never Would Have Thought...

It's amazing how one changes over time. One of the things that I have discovered is that I make changes based upon my life experiences. Case in point:

Throughout the first several years of our marriage, I NEVER walked down the girl toys aisle in Wal-Mart, Target, etc. Too girly for my taste. But, shortly after we adopted Kiera, I changed my tune. I wandered down the girl toys aisle on a regular basis, staring at all the stuff with wide eyed wonder. I pictured Kiera playing with these toys and thought about buying them for her at some point as she grew older. When Kaylee came along, I continued this practice. All things considered, I would never, ever have done this if I hadn't have adopted our girls.

The experiences of this past week have changed me even more as I reflect upon the birth of our son. The induction, C-section, and time in the hospital seemed to fly by. There was really no time for thought; no time for reflection; no time to really think through the very real implications of this momentous occasion in the life of my family. Those thoughts and reflections came later.

I now marvel at our little boy. I marveled at my two girls, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't there for the whole ordeal. I didn't get to experience the sound of their first cry. I didn't get to experience seeing them revealed to the world for the first time. I didn't see them measured, weighed, or cleaned up. All of these things, I was able to experience for the first time. It was quite amazing.

I now believe that every teen-ager who wants to engage in pre-marital sex should be forced to watch a live birth and a C-section. The process is anything but pretty. In fact, I'd call it down, right nasty. There are bodily fluids all over the place, pain, and weird smells. And that's before the actual birth. C-sections are just as bad. There's lots of blood, and I actually saw a part of my wife that shouldn't really see the light of day. It's really a wake up call to the reality of how life comes into being for us as human beings.

Yet, despite this nastiness, the ultimate reality of this child that has come into our lives is absolutely beautiful. I gaze at Kevin, Jr. and I marvel. I ponder how this kid is part me and part my wife. I ponder that I never thought that this would be a reality. I ponder how we struggled with infertility, the joys of adoption, and then the reality that Dawna was pregnant. I marvel at how this boy started as a couple of cells and has turned into this tiny person. It's truly amazing to see God's hand now throughout the whole ordeal. I know that there are many who doubt His existence, but I can't fathom the thought of that now. The reality of this situation has confirmed my faith a hundred fold.

That same reality has led me to places that I would have never considered going before. I am now the father of three. Three lives that I bear responsibility for preparing for life. What an overwhelming task. These three children who are different in every way are now bound by the ties of family-our family-the Haug name. I know the future holds both joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, and I will have to lead and teach these kids so that they can eventually make all their own choices-hopefully good ones. I never would have thought that God would trust me in this manner.

I haven't really cried throughout this ordeal, but I have had some pretty emotional moments. Yesterday, I took the girls to the San Antonio Zoo to give Dawna and her folks some down time. After looking at the animals and enjoying the things that the zoo offers for kids, I took them on the train in Brackenridge Park. It's the same ride that my parents took me on years ago. We bought tickets, and I purchased a small popcorn to eat as we rode. This was the second time I did this for the kids. Kaylee was too young to remember last time, but hopefully she will this time. As I sat on the bench with my kids along the way, I had one of those moments. As we crossed the San Antonio river, Kiera looked at me and asked, "Can we ride the train again?"

I responded, "Not today, sweetie." But my mind flew into the future. I saw Kiera, Kaylee, and Kevin, Jr. in the next five years. I saw them sitting on the train in Brackenridge Park eating popcorn. Then I flew 20 years from now, and I thought about them remembering how Mommy and Daddy took them to the park to ride the train and eat popcorn. These are the moments I hope and pray that they remember. I hope that they will know how much the two of us love them. It is an overwhelming thing to know that Dawna and I have the power to give them these kinds of memories. I never would have thought that such a simple question could cause me to think so far into the future and to reflect upon the nature of raising children.

But such is the reality of parenting. We have a great responsibility before us. There are many things that will need to be taken care of in the weeks to come. Doctor's visits for Dawna and the kiddoes. Kaylee's birthday. Moving back to Cat Spring. I've already done something that I swore that I'd never do. I bought a used GMC Yukon XL. It's basically the GMC version of the Chevy Suburban. Nine months ago, I would have sworn I'd never do this. Horrible gas mileage. Too expensive both to buy and maintain. Too big, period. But I changed. I am the father of three. If we want to go anywhere, I have to have a vehicle that seats five with three in car seats. I've got to have luggage room and maybe room for baseball or softball equipment and teammates. I've got to have space to transport diaper bags and all the stuff my girls and boy will need. I didn't want to, but I am a father. I have a responsibility. I never would have thought that it would happen this way. But it did, and I'm glad it did. And I will do whatever is necessary to ensure the health, safety, and care of my family.