Remembering Granny

I wracked my brain over and over again trying to come up with a story that I thought captured Granny’s person, and I kept coming time and again to this one. It seems that one night, some would-be robbers broke into Granny’s house. Of course, she didn’t hear them come in as she was in bed sleeping. They made their way through the house and into Granny’s bedroom. They flipped on the light waking Granny. She sat bolt upright in bed and yelled out, “You get the hell out of my house!” And they left! Those thieves learned something that those of us who are a part of this family and who married into this family came to understand really quickly–you don’t mess with Granny.

At her tallest, Granny was four feet eleven inches of pure dynamite. And I think the Lord intentionally left her fuse pretty short. She wasn’t afraid to go off when she felt like something wasn’t right or if you were getting on her nerves. This had both a positive and a negative aspect to it. Positively, you never had to worry where you stood with Granny. She would let you know regardless of your feelings. When my wife Dawna was pregnant with Kevin, Jr. I gained a few pounds. I called it sympathy weight gain, but in reality it was stress eating. Walked in to visit Granny shortly before Kevin was born, and Granny blurted out, “My, Kevin, you’ve put on some weight.”
“Thanks, Granny, I love you too.” But she was right and I learned not to take such statements personally simply because of that negative aspect that came with that short fuse. You just didn’t want to get on Granny’s bad side. She might have only been four feet eleven inches tall, but she could give you a tongue lashing that would cut you down from six foot four to three foot six in a matter of seconds. Luckily, when I started dating, Dawna, I was warned right off the bat. I took Dawna’s warnings seriously, and I worked constantly to stay on her good side. I am sure I am not the only one here this morning who did the same. You didn’t want to light that fuse. If the tongue lashing didn’t take you out, she might have invited you to ride a long while she drove somewhere.

Yes, that was an experience that I was fortunate not to experience. I had heard too many stories and seen too much evidence to ever allow myself to step into 1978 Granada with Granny behind the wheel. I don’t know what Justin did to get invited on a ride, but I remember him having to go with her someplace one day. Justin walked in the door of Don and Linda’s house, and I asked him, “So, how was the ride with Granny.”

Now, mind you, Justin is a Marine. This guy was trained to do some incredible things that I don’t think I’d even consider doing in my dreams like repelling down cliffs and facing enemy bullets. He served time in Kuwait during Operation Iraqui Freedom. He learned combat techniques where he could kill a man with his bare hands. Yet, when I asked him that question about that car ride, he turned white as a sheet. His hands started shaking, and he looked like he was about to pass out. He made some type of comment about wanting to forgo that kind of experience ever again. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact she would slam the car into reverse and floor it heading out of her driveway. Oh, did I mention that she wouldn’t even check the rear view mirror while she did so? And that was just the beginning. You really don’t want to know the rest. How she ever made it back and forth from home to the Thrift Shop up here at church so many times without an accident is beyond many of us. She very likely had a guardian angel looking over her.

But you couldn’t tell her anything about her driving. She was fiercely independent, and she was going to drive and do as she pleased come hell or high water. She was so independent, she was bound and determined to do all her own house work well into her 90's. Broken hip? No problem. The trees need trimming, and the yard needs weeding, and she was going to do it. Fortunately, Emery and Don came along to hide all the clippers and the ladders. But there was no slowing her down. She was going to take care of herself, by God. Oh, and I remember the day Dawna’s other grandmother asked Granny if she would ever get married again. Granny looked her in the eye and said, “I had one old fart, why do I need another one for?” Yep, Granny enjoyed her independence. Even in the end, she was cussing nurses and family members alike because she wanted to go home and take care of herself.

Now, in some ways, I seem to have painted the picture of a hard, nosed, short Italian woman who didn’t cut anyone any slack or care about what anyone thought of her. In some ways, it’s the truth, but you also have to understand that Granny had a heart of gold. There were several things in her life that were very important to her that showed this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Perhaps first and foremost on that list is her love of her family. God, she loved hanging out and being with them. Perhaps the happiest times of her life were spent at the 4th of July. I’m not sure there are words to convey the joy she felt being around all of her kinfolks, visiting, eating, and drinking. Such activity made her truly happy, and she really got happy after a malt beverage or two. This was evidenced by her willingness to jump out on the dance floor and dance with whoever came close. Didn’t matter: man or woman, sister or brother, young or old, give Granny a beer, and she’d dance your socks off. Granny would never miss a fourth of July. She had to be tied down with chains, so sick she couldn’t get out of the house, or literally dying before she’d miss. It was that important that she be with her family.

Granny was also thrilled that she was able to take care of her great grand children Matt and Katelyn. It’s not every great grandmother who gets to say such things.

And, of course, along with her family, was her love of her church family and the Thrift Shop ministry of St. Paul Lutheran Church. Granny was always talking about helping out and being part of the church. It was never far from her mind. Even in these last few months, when the nursing home nurses would come and take her to therapy, Granny would say, “I’m going to the thrift shop.” She took great pride in offering her services to God’s people in this manner.

And such ministry reminds me of Granny’s generous heart. For years, she lived on a meager Social Security Check buying groceries and medicine, paying her bills. God knows she didn’t have a lot of money, but when Christmas time rolled around, there was a gift for all of the grandkids and great-grand kids. How she managed, I’ll never know, but she was absolutely amazing. I am also reminded of her generosity and love of family every Christmas time when Dawna, the kids, and I decorate our Christmas tree. The tree is overloaded with many ornaments that Granny hand made. For years she would give a package full of them to her grandkids, and they are treasured keepsakes for us.

Of course, I’ve been married to Dawna for fourteen years. I’ve known her for eighteen, and every Christmas, it seemed like Granny would say the same thing. During the family gathering, she’d say, “You know, I think this is going to be my last Christmas.” And every year, it wasn’t. Until this last year. I think most of us could see it coming, but we really didn’t want to. We didn’t want to acknowledge that this woman who overcame so much in her life was being overcome by old age and deteriorating health. But, alas, Granny had to travel down that road that we all must travel one day, and I know that I will miss her as will many of you. But I take comfort that I’ll get to see her again one day. Save a spot for me at the table Granny. Hope the food up there is as good as the cookin’ you served to me.